The Best TWSS Stories (All Time)


  1. During lunch, my friend wanted some water from someone else's water bottle, but didn't want to drink from it, so he said, "just squirt it in my mouth, but make sure you aim, I don't want it to get all over my face." TWSS

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    (160 Laughs)

     
  2. One day my friend was eating a huge apple. She cried out in excitement, "Holy sh*t! It's so large and tender! I can barely fit my hands around it!!" TWSS.

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    (160 Laughs)

     
  3. I was at a friend's house and we were eating oranges. She asked if I ate the filmy part around the pulp, and I told her I didn't. She agreed and said, "I just suck on it till the juice comes out." TWSS.

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    (159 Laughs)

     
  4. My friend tends to build tension in her upper back and when it gets really bad she needs someone to crack it for her. I had never cracked anyone's back before so she instructed me as I did it. "Grab me around the body here, now lean back and kinda thrust a few times... Just like that... A little more... Oh God that feels so much better. You can put me down now." TWSS

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    (159 Laughs)

     
  5. The other day I was at my little cousins birthday party. Me and my brother were blowing up balloons. My sister came in and said, "No one blows better than me!" TWSS.

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    (159 Laughs)

     
  6. Today in gym class we had basketball and my teacher said ' go play with those balls , in the mean time i will blow all these balls and try to make them hard." TWSS.

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    (159 Laughs)

     
  7. So we were in a practice room in orchestra, and the new kid was drinking a juice box. He went to pick up and squeezed so it spilled juice. He then proceeds to say, "Oh man! I squirted!" TWSS.

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    (159 Laughs)

     
  8. Any time I use my corporate credit card I have to put the receipt in our bookkeeper's mailbox. Whenever she sees me putting a receipt in her mailbox she often jokes that I'm spending too much money. She usually watches me put the receipts in her mailbox, but the one time she didn't she comes out holding the receipt and says "Go ahead and stick it in there when I'm not looking. It won't make it hurt any less!" TWSS

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    (157 Laughs)

     
  9. Today I was driving back from the post office and I could see a car down the street ready to pull out in front of me. I said out loud "Don't pull out! DO NOT PULL OUT!" TWSS.

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    (155 Laughs)

     
  10. We were going to watch a video in class and we were having trouble getting the video into the VCR. Finally our teacher, out of frustration, said "Just shove it in as hard as you can!" TWSS

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    (155 Laughs)

     
  11. My chemistry teacher was explaining how although a meter and a yard are close in length, they are not interchangeable. To illustrate, she held up a yardstick in front of her and said, "You can't just whip it out and be like, this is a meter." TWSS

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    (155 Laughs)

     
  12. Our drama club was having its cast party at McAlistar's sandwhich shop after one of our shows. The waiter was taking our orders when the girl next to me who happens to be my best friend says, "yes I'll have mine white and twelve inches. I like the extra meat." TWSS.

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    (155 Laughs)

     
  13. I was at work and this woman was talking about the other day when her husband cooked her dinner. She said, "I put it in my mouth and I told him it tasted great, but OMG it made me want to gag so bad." TWSS.

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    (155 Laughs)

     
  14. The other day my friends and I were hanging out at lunch and one of them was eating a sandwich. She goes, "OMG, this tastes so good in my mouth." TWSS

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    (155 Laughs)

     
  15. I was getting ready to kill a bug in my apartment last night and my roommate asked why I would want to kill an innocent insect. I replied, "do you really want it going into your mouth when you are sleeping?" TWSS.

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    (154 Laughs)