The Best TWSS Stories (This Month)
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We were trying to fit a new TV in the back end of my grandma's truck and my mom said "It's OK, bigger things have been shoved in there."
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Okay, well I'm from England and now live in America, you know British call erasers, rubbers? Well in the middle of a dead silent test, I ask "Does anyone have a rubber I can borrow, I will give it back after I finished with it." TWSS.
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A coworker of mine is getting over a cold and has to blow her nose a lot. Before going into a meeting she was blowing her nose and I told her in a joking manner to blow it all out now because there will be none of that for the next hour or so. She responded by saying, “Oh I will blow, and you will sit there and enjoy it.” TWSS.
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My friend was telling me about the time she swallowed a fly and said, "It was long and black and wouldn't get out of me." Not realizing what she was saying, she continued, "It was coming at me so fast, I didn't have time to close my mouth. That thing entered so quickly". TWSS.
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My little cousin was drinking hot chocolate and her sister said oh blow on it so it doesn't burn you, then my little cousin says, "Yeah ,but I hate when you blow really hard and it explodes all over your face." TWSS.
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In band today we began working on a song that was more tough then others we had played, so the director said, "Don't blow yet, just try fingering it first." TWSS.
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My mom was painting my new shed this afternoon she said, "My hand and arm are getting tired." My dad said, "We're almost done, keep stroking." TWSS.
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My little cousin had a cup of lemonade and he was trying to put the straw in the lid, and his mom said "No honey, not that hole, it's too small I don't think it will fit, try again!" TWSS
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During the morning announcements in school, the Vice Principal was talking about a pot hole in the parking lot that kids made bigger by carving it out with sticks. She proceeded to say, "Don't poke it with a stick. Just run off and play with your balls." TWSS.
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One time at a church activity, we were all talking about our favorite foods. This one girl says "Hmm...I like anything that can fit in my mouth." TWSS.
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I just heard my Dad say to my Mom (in reference to a water bottle): "Don't squeeze it too hard or it will all come squirting out the top." TWSS.
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I was talking to a customer on the phone about where she wants to sit in the theatre I work at, and she says "Well, my husband is pretty big, and I want him to be able to get in and out pretty easily." TWSS.
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Today I was having a water fight with my girlfriend and she didn't want me to get her hair wet. So on purpose I squirted her in the face when she wasn't looking, and she yelled out "What the fuck! Don't you know how to aim, you got me right in the eye!!" TWSS.
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I was babysitting last night and i was blowing up pool floaties, my face was obviously going red so the six year old boy i babysit says "stop blowing it or you will hurt yourself!" TWSS.
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I was at band practice the other day and i found a bottle of sun tan lotion when my mate turned around i pushed down the bottle top and he responded "omg you squirted it in my eye you bastard, it burns!" TWSS.
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