I was at band practice the other day and i found a bottle of sun tan lotion when my mate turned around i pushed down the bottle top and he responded "omg you squirted it in my eye you bastard, it burns!" TWSS.

My friends were thinking of going to a beer-fest this weekend, and one of them said they didn't drink beer. The other one said, "Just taste it, and then spit it out. Don't swallow." TWSS.

My family and I were playing cards on the living room floor. My dad is getting older so he said "This position is really rough on my back." TWWS

Today my friend and I were chewing bubble gum. She blew a really really big bubble and when it popped, she said "Ahh! It's all over my face!" TWSS

In Biology, we were doing an experiment with ballons, but they weren't blown yet. So, the teacher asked if anybody could blow the balloon. A girl raised her hand and called out, "I can blow good!" TWSS

Today I heard some people in the band going over their music. As they were going through it without playing, watching for mistakes, I heard a kid say, "How about we finger it first?" TWSS

I did a gravity bong. Afterward I walked into the next room and said "I didn't get my mouth over it before it shot out, but it all shot in my mouth anyway." TWSS

My friend said she wanted jolly ranchers. I asked why and she said, "Because I want something small that I can suck on." TWSS

My coach was showing us a new exercise and I was joking around playing. He preceded to say "stop playing around and get into position" and I responded "Ok coach, it just hurts my back to do this" TWSS

My brother was trying to plug speakers into his computer. There are three different jacks for different types of speakers in our computer. When my brother kept trying the wrong ones and no sound came out, my dad got frustrated and said, "No! You're doing it wrong! You're sticking it in the wrong hole!" TWSS.