I went to a music teacher conference, and I sat through an hour-long presentation of how to properly care for a trombone. He informed us, "Penetrating oil. When a piece is stuck and you can't get it out. When you're pulling out. When you want to push in. Penetrating oil." TWSS.

(139 Laughs)


Earlier today, while referring to a loose wing-nut on a 4" expansion plug, I said to my co-worker: "Good thing I pulled it out when I did, because this nut was about to pop off." TWSS

(278 Laughs)


Me and my co-workers were waiting for work orders to come back from a client for a while, and all the comments were sent back at once. While reviewing the notes I said without thinking about it, "It's not that it's hard, it just all came in at once." TWSS

(172 Laughs)


Me and my girlfriend were sharing a packet of M&M's and I noticed she was taking more than one at a time because "It tastes better when you have two in your mouth at the same time." TWWSS.

(294 Laughs)


I was working on the ballistics test for reinforced glass with my partner.
The shot was fired and then she checked the glass and yelled, "No penetration!" TWSS

(108 Laughs)


My friends and I were trying a crane game to win a stuffed animal. One of them kept failing to get a stuffed bear and without thinking I said, "I think it's down in there too far." TWSS

(57 Laughs)


My friend and I were talking on the phone, while she was watching her brother put a string through the needle. Out of nowhere she screams in the phone, "He finally got it in!" TWSS

(197 Laughs)


During class one day, one the the students decided to bring in a cake for her birthday. As she was cutting the cake piece by piece a student told her lick the knife off. So she said, "I'm not going to put it in my mouth then stick it back in!" TWSS.

(183 Laughs)


Today in science lab we were using sand for an experiment. I got bored and dumped the sand out of the container and started playing with it. My teacher gave me an annoyed look so I started putting the sand back in. I said, "I'm putting it back in!" (TWSS) My teacher replied, "It wouldn't have been out if you hadn't been playing with it!" TWSS

(158 Laughs)


The other day my friends and I were hanging out at lunch and one of them was eating a sandwich. She goes, "OMG, this tastes so good in my mouth." TWSS

(162 Laughs)