3 teammates and I were training for cross country practice and one of the girls was complaining that we were going to fast, another teammate yelled at her: "Just suck it up and go faster!" TWSS

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(129 Laughs)

 

Negotiating in a divorce, my ex-wife said, "You're being really rigid, and it's a little hard to swallow." TWSS

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(175 Laughs)

 

Me and my dad were in the car and he saw a cd on the floor so he said, "Instead of letting it get banged around down there, why don't you put it in here?" TWSS



(109 Laughs)

 

At my summer job, my supervisor was using her USB memory stick with her laptop. The disk image wasn't appearing on her screen, so she said "Where's my cute little stick? Usually it jumps up right away!" TWSS.

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(126 Laughs)

 

Me and my co-workers were waiting for work orders to come back from a client for a while, and all the comments were sent back at once. While reviewing the notes I said without thinking about it, "It's not that it's hard, it just all came in at once." TWSS

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(177 Laughs)

 

Me and my girlfriend were sharing a packet of M&M's and I noticed she was taking more than one at a time because "It tastes better when you have two in your mouth at the same time." TWWSS.

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(301 Laughs)

 

I was in class the other day when, my friend had a mechanical pencil and the lead was too big she said,"The hole is too small. It won't fit!" TWSS

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(220 Laughs)

 

I was texting a friend and we were talking about how he made captain for JV. I said even though you didn't make varsity, "It still feels good to be on top for once." TWSS

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(195 Laughs)

 

My first day of work as a court clerk my boss handed me my first assignment, the "Johnson" case. She explained that she also was working on an unrelated "Johnson" case at the same time. After she gave me my instructions she said, "I need to get back to the other Johnson I'm tending to." TWSS

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(90 Laughs)

 

During a work meeting, my coworker's chair kept sliding down. Our boss said "Get a new chair. I'm not going to have you going down on me while we're talking." TWSS

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(247 Laughs)