I was hanging out with a couple of friends who are dating. I commented that the longer they’ve been together, the more they start acting like each other. She replied: What can I say, "he’s rubbing off on me.” TWSS.

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(45 Laughs)

 

I was in my friend's car and I started to roll the window down because it was hot. He stopped me and said not to because "it goes down easy but is hard to get it back up." TWSS.

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(129 Laughs)

 

I was walking a friend home one night and we needed to cross the street. The don't walk symbol was already flashing and said there were only 5 seconds left. I decided to go for it, grabbed her hand, and yelled, "Come with me!" TWSS.

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(35 Laughs)

 

I was playing beer pong. Someone on the other team was a really bad shot and the ball hit my partner. She said, "Ahh, it hit me right in the face." TWSS.

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(53 Laughs)

 

I had put a bottle of wine back into the fridge, and after a little while my friend pulled it back out, pointed to the cork and said "you didn't put it in far enough." TWSS.

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(140 Laughs)

 

I was playing a drinking game with my friends. In the course of play, one of the girls needed to finish her drink and since she still had a full can, we decided to try to make her chug the whole thing. Halfway through she stopped and said, "I can't keep it in my mouth." TWSS.

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(79 Laughs)

 

I was at work yesterday helping load a bunch of supplies into an elevator to take down to the first floor. The girl that was maneuvering the cart lined it up perpendicularly to the elevator and I said "that is at the worst possible angle to get it in there." TWSS.

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(79 Laughs)

 

The other day i was golfing with my buddies. One of my friends grabbed my clubs and started swinging them. He then grabbed his clubs and i turned stood both clubs next to each other and said "my shaft is longer than yours." TWSS

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(89 Laughs)

 

I was watching the food network and the host was making mini doughnuts. After applying the cinnamon-sugar coating, she says, “and now it’s ready to pop in my mouth…mmm.” TWSS.

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(63 Laughs)

 

I was getting ready to kill a bug in my apartment last night and my roommate asked why I would want to kill an innocent insect. I replied, "do you really want it going into your mouth when you are sleeping?" TWSS.

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(153 Laughs)