I was riding the train back from the city with my dad and asked him if the ride would take about 20 minutes. He said it was less than 10, to which I replied "Oh, I thought it would be longer." TWSS.

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(35 Laughs)

 

I was talking to my wife on the phone and she mentioned that she had just taken our dog out in the middle of a rain storm. Concerned his wet fur would ruin the furniture, I told her not to let him on the couch. She replied, "Don't worry, I blew him dry." TWSS.

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(696 Laughs)

 

My friend had just come back from a movie that I’ve been dying to see. I asked her if it was good. My friend replied, “I was hoping for better.” TWSS.

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(13 Laughs)

 

I went to watch a movie On Demand and on the menu screen they had a trailer running for wedding tips. The tip mentioned was that the groom shouldn’t cut his hair the day before the wedding. Why? The wedding expert said, “you can’t change it if it’s too short.” TWSS.

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(34 Laughs)

 

I was hanging out with a couple of friends who are dating. I commented that the longer they’ve been together, the more they start acting like each other. She replied: What can I say, "he’s rubbing off on me.” TWSS.

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(45 Laughs)

 

I was in my friend's car and I started to roll the window down because it was hot. He stopped me and said not to because "it goes down easy but is hard to get it back up." TWSS.

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(130 Laughs)

 

I was walking a friend home one night and we needed to cross the street. The don't walk symbol was already flashing and said there were only 5 seconds left. I decided to go for it, grabbed her hand, and yelled, "Come with me!" TWSS.

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(35 Laughs)

 

I was playing beer pong. Someone on the other team was a really bad shot and the ball hit my partner. She said, "Ahh, it hit me right in the face." TWSS.

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(54 Laughs)

 

I had put a bottle of wine back into the fridge, and after a little while my friend pulled it back out, pointed to the cork and said "you didn't put it in far enough." TWSS.

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(140 Laughs)

 

I was playing a drinking game with my friends. In the course of play, one of the girls needed to finish her drink and since she still had a full can, we decided to try to make her chug the whole thing. Halfway through she stopped and said, "I can't keep it in my mouth." TWSS.

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(79 Laughs)